he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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