This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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