i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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