she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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