i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
