My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You took a bar mat shot.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
