What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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