thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
