that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
