she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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