woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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