Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
