I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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