When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
