Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
