Will you blow on my dice?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
