I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
