Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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