what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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