I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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