Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize