Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
