i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
