I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
