What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
