Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
