If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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