I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
