Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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