the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
