All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
