You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
