I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
