this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
