Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
