I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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