Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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