The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think people are normalizing furries
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize