fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's get the cat blown out
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize