and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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