I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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