I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
