Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
