My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
