i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's just like the Real World with babies
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
