toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
