I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
