I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
soo... how was my night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
