theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize