i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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