I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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