We won't sleep together?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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