yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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