my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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