Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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