I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
