How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
