i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
