The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
