I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
