Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i barfeds in our rink
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
