I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
now i know why i became what i already was.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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