If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
