My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
