It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize