This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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