i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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