R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
