So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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